While It Lasts- Epilogue

“I talked to Jeremy today. He’s doing great at LSU and I think he met a girl. The majority of our conversation was about how smart she was and how funny she was and how pretty her hair was.” I laughed softly letting the autumn breeze carry my voice. 

“He was there when I needed him. You would have been proud of how strong he was when inside I knew he was breaking apart. You always did say he was the tough one.” 

I smiled thinking of the time they’d both gotten their wisdom teeth removed and Josh had been in bed for days in pain while Jeremy had gone on to football practice the very next day. 

“The last time I was here I was a mess. You’d just shattered my world. I couldn’t imagine how I would take the next breath without you much less how I would live a lifetime alone. I didn’t understand your letter then. I didn’t think you understood the impact of what had happened. How you could tell me that life would go on and I needed to move on. It was unfathomable to me. You were my world, Josh. From the time I was a little girl until I was eighteen. Every memory I have growing up has you in it.” 

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a letter I’d stayed up late last night writing. I couldn’t sleep because I knew I was coming back here today. I had so many things to say and I wanted to say them right.               

“I wrote you a letter this time,” I explained. Opening the stiff paper I’d torn from my notebook, I realized there were no tearstains on this letter. My tears were all dried up now. I’d found my peace.

Dear Josh,       
Thank you for giving me the most amazing memories. My life growing up was so full because you were in it. Having your love and loving you was always just right. It made sense. You were my home. When I was with you I knew everything would be okay. 

You dried my tears for me when I was sad. You held my hand when we buried my mother. You made me laugh when the world seemed like it was falling apart. You were every special memory a girl could have. That first kiss will forever be embedded in my brain. It was as funny as it was sweet. 

Our life together molded me into the woman I’ve become. I understand what it feels like to be loved and cherished because I had that with you. I never doubted my worth because you taught me I was worthy.               
When you said that one day I would heal I didn’t believe that was possible. Life couldn’t go one without my best friend. There was no room for another guy in my heart. It turns out you were right. You always were. I found him. He is incredible. He is nothing at all like I would have planned. He doesn’t fit into a perfect package. He managed to wiggle into my heart and take over before I knew what was happening. I found that happiness you told me would come along. I’m going to go live that life. I’m sure it will be a wilder ride than I ever imagined and I can’t wait to live it. He’s my home now.  I’ll always love you. I’ll never forget you. But this is my goodbye. I wasn’t ready before to let you go. Now, I can move on. Your memory will live on in my heart always. 
Your Eva Blue

No comments:

Post a Comment